Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
