if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
