He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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