OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
