My boss' voice literally gives me gas
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
