I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
