I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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