you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
