Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
The Olympian is in my bed
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