He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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