He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
My vagina just recognized that song.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
