Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
