His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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