guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
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