he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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