no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I understand Curling. That high.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
