I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
