she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
