I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
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