someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
