i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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