I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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