i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
