When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
he puts the penis in happiness.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
