Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
The air was thick with penises
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
