It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
