i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
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I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
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I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
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