But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
