I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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