the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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