she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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