Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
So squirting runs in the family.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
