i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
