Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
