batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
