Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize