My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
im six kinds of drunk right now
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
