I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
