I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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