The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
