i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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