It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Randomize
