you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Come see our sink grown plant.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
How does one acquire holy water?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.