I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
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my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
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Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.