he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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