Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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