You just made me feel so damn special
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
