if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
