why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
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