no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
