cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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