She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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