Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
