Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Well I just put wine in my tea
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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