I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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