Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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