wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I AM VODKA MAN
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
