i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
