i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
