I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
