Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
