no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
