Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Is it penis luge time yet?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
