woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
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