maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
