The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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