That's when you crack a 10am beer
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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